i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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