Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
