My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
