How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
