god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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