Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize