if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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