The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I could fuck to npr.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
