Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
