My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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