It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
