he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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