i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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