I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
