so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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