shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
