Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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