this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
