I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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