mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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