Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize