i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
