Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
