fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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