Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
