at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
