Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
