Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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