At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
