420 ftw
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A+ Viking dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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