I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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