ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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