fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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