Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
