She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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