ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
