I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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