Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
