Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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