I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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