We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
