We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
