Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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