I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
