Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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