youre lurking in front of me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him