Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.