and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT