Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?