first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
