How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
