I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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