it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
