Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
