i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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