we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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