we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
