I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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