when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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