You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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