he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Terrible idea I love it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
