Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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