you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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