I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
