Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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