I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
