Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone came in the potted fern
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
