he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
