I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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